OK. Let's just be straight with each other. As women we can have an abundance of stress in our lives when it deals with our family - added to that is the stress of the church when you are in ministry.
We have to deal with balancing the support we need to give our husband and children. When they do not see eye to eye on issues moms can feel like they are stuck in the middle. That is not a great place to be. Who likes to be sandwiched in between 2 strong willed situations? I don't think anyone. It is a difficult place to be. Some women may have to deal with the "either, or," not the easy "ok I'll support my husband." It may be she is in the situation that if she does support her husband she will lose her kids. If she supports her kids she puts a "wedge" between she and her husband.
What's a woman to do? It seems as if she is "stuck between a rock and a hard place," to use the old phrase.
I was contemplating this thought this morning, since many women have to go through this issue. It is amazing how God drops things into your spirit. I learned, from Kathy Troccolli, to call this "kisses from the King." When Jesus was on the cross he took the weight of the world on his shoulders. I thought of the stress and pressure in each one of our lives. We live with this every day. If we think it is heavy on our shoulders, multilply that a million times over and you will get some understanding of what Jesus had to carry.
We don't have it so bad after all. I know it is still hard and difficult to deal with, but try to remember this fact and lay it at Jesus' feet - release it to Him. Allow Him to help you with your burdens and cares. Doesn't Peter tell us to cast all our cares on Him because He cares for us? Then let's do what he tells us. I know it is easier to say than to do; but "Just Do It." You will be glad you did.
If you have some issues you are dealing with and God has given you some insight write me a post. I want to hear.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Still Learning from Saul
Well, I wanted to bring out the good aspects of Saul because we do not hear of it often. Now I have been thinking of the not so good aspects of Saul's leadership.
I hope you get as much out of this study as I have.
Saul began his leadership on the right foot, humble; but as he became familiar with the role and saw the success he began to become overconfident. He became proud and assumed Samuel's role at one point. That was a terrible mistake. We learn from Saul that pride and self-confidence without the Holy Spirit will lead to anger, resentment, and disappointment. Read about some of this in I Samuel 15.
In one instance when he was suppose to destroy everyone and everything Saul captured the king and did not kill him. Samuel reminds Saul that he had nothing when he started out, then God made him head of Israel – made him king! What a privilege! “God sent you off with orders. Why did you not obey Him? Why, with God’s eyes on you all the time, did you brazenly carry out this evil?”(I Sam. 15:17-19) Saul starts making excuses and asks what is wrong with taking a few choice sheep? He was avoiding the issue.
I think of one of my daughters when she was 17. She deliberately disobeyed and wrote me a long letter apologizing and explaining why she did what she did. She was making excuses. She missed the point of her deliberate disobedience.
Samuel told Saul straight up that he did not want sacrifices and empty rituals. He wanted him to listen and do what he told him. Because Saul refused to listen and said no to God, God said no to Saul’s kingship.
In our own ministries we need to be careful not to become prideful in our accomplishments and knowledge, thinking we know more than anyone else. Too often I have seen young youth pastors or associates and their wives come into church all excited about ministry, but exemplify an attitude of, “I know more than you.”
This is not healthy for them or the church in which they are ministering. They will not be able to glean from the knowledge of those who have gone before them. I have seen wonderful ministries, such as Master’s Commission or other similar programs, teach servant leadership. They teach students to develop a servant heart. The ministry teaches the student that all areas of the church give you an opportunity in which to minister, whether it be cleaning the bathrooms or speaking in front of fifty or a thousand people. You learn that the attitude of the heart is important, not what special abilities you have.
My prayer is that I keep a simple, humble attitude of the heart, so God has a good fertile ground to work in daily. This is hard because when you do wonderful things ,and see success you naturally have a tendency to become proud of your accomplishments. It is ok to be proud of what you do and confident in the Lord, but when we start doing things on our own and our own way we are setting ourselves up for trouble. It may not happen soon, but it will happen.
To bring it home to us think about Arwen in "The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring." The scene is right after Frodo gets stabbed by the wraith sword. He is dying and needs help. Arwen comes and tells Strider she is the faster rider and she needs to get Frodo to her father in Rivendale. She puts Frodo on her horse and rides away with the nine wraiths close behind. She gets to the river and with confidence she looks straight at the wraith and says, "If you want him come and get him." She then begins speaking in Elvish and the waters rise up and overtake the wraiths.
Right after that Frodo seems to be slipping away. Arwen bends over him and says, "What grace is given me let it pass to him. Let him be spared." She had confidence in who she was, what ability she had through her people (father), and was willing to step out and take the risk.
As women in ministry know who you are in Christ. Know what He has called you to do. Have confidence to be who God wants you to be. Have confidence in the ability He has given you. Be willing to take a risk for what you believe in your heart to be true.
You are special and God has a desire to use you for His glory.
Let me know how He is accomplishing His plan in your life.
I hope you get as much out of this study as I have.
Saul began his leadership on the right foot, humble; but as he became familiar with the role and saw the success he began to become overconfident. He became proud and assumed Samuel's role at one point. That was a terrible mistake. We learn from Saul that pride and self-confidence without the Holy Spirit will lead to anger, resentment, and disappointment. Read about some of this in I Samuel 15.
In one instance when he was suppose to destroy everyone and everything Saul captured the king and did not kill him. Samuel reminds Saul that he had nothing when he started out, then God made him head of Israel – made him king! What a privilege! “God sent you off with orders. Why did you not obey Him? Why, with God’s eyes on you all the time, did you brazenly carry out this evil?”(I Sam. 15:17-19) Saul starts making excuses and asks what is wrong with taking a few choice sheep? He was avoiding the issue.
I think of one of my daughters when she was 17. She deliberately disobeyed and wrote me a long letter apologizing and explaining why she did what she did. She was making excuses. She missed the point of her deliberate disobedience.
Samuel told Saul straight up that he did not want sacrifices and empty rituals. He wanted him to listen and do what he told him. Because Saul refused to listen and said no to God, God said no to Saul’s kingship.
In our own ministries we need to be careful not to become prideful in our accomplishments and knowledge, thinking we know more than anyone else. Too often I have seen young youth pastors or associates and their wives come into church all excited about ministry, but exemplify an attitude of, “I know more than you.”
This is not healthy for them or the church in which they are ministering. They will not be able to glean from the knowledge of those who have gone before them. I have seen wonderful ministries, such as Master’s Commission or other similar programs, teach servant leadership. They teach students to develop a servant heart. The ministry teaches the student that all areas of the church give you an opportunity in which to minister, whether it be cleaning the bathrooms or speaking in front of fifty or a thousand people. You learn that the attitude of the heart is important, not what special abilities you have.
My prayer is that I keep a simple, humble attitude of the heart, so God has a good fertile ground to work in daily. This is hard because when you do wonderful things ,and see success you naturally have a tendency to become proud of your accomplishments. It is ok to be proud of what you do and confident in the Lord, but when we start doing things on our own and our own way we are setting ourselves up for trouble. It may not happen soon, but it will happen.
To bring it home to us think about Arwen in "The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring." The scene is right after Frodo gets stabbed by the wraith sword. He is dying and needs help. Arwen comes and tells Strider she is the faster rider and she needs to get Frodo to her father in Rivendale. She puts Frodo on her horse and rides away with the nine wraiths close behind. She gets to the river and with confidence she looks straight at the wraith and says, "If you want him come and get him." She then begins speaking in Elvish and the waters rise up and overtake the wraiths.
Right after that Frodo seems to be slipping away. Arwen bends over him and says, "What grace is given me let it pass to him. Let him be spared." She had confidence in who she was, what ability she had through her people (father), and was willing to step out and take the risk.
As women in ministry know who you are in Christ. Know what He has called you to do. Have confidence to be who God wants you to be. Have confidence in the ability He has given you. Be willing to take a risk for what you believe in your heart to be true.
You are special and God has a desire to use you for His glory.
Let me know how He is accomplishing His plan in your life.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
The Wisdom of Saul
Not only did God choose the best when He chose Saul as king, he also gave him wisdom.
As I stated before, Saul did not pay attention to the negative talk of those who did not want to follow his leadership. He went about his business. While going on about his own business he heard about an enemy threatening his people.
The Message tells us in I Samuel 11:6 that, "The Spirit of God came on Saul when he heard the report and he flew into a rage." He was angry that someone was trying to scare his people and destroy them. He had the confidence of God. He butchered the oxen and sent messengers throughout Israel warning the people that if they did not join with him their oxen would end up like his.
The Bible says the "terror of God" seized the people and they joined him. Saul took command and sent word that, "Help is on the way." God was with Saul and his men and they were victorious. After seeing the victory God had given them through Saul's leadership the people told Samuel to hand the men, who were against Saul, over them and they would kill them. Saul did not want this to happen. He wanted to celebrate the day and consecrate the kingship.
When God calls us He will give us the power, the courage, and the confidence to go into battle and conquer whatever is attacking us. As women in ministry we need to keep this in the forefront of our mind and spirit. The devil, our enemy, will try his best to keep us from what God has called us to; whether using circumstances in our family's life, our own life, or the life of our church.
I believe we need to stand as confident as Saul and get angry at the devil. Let him know who is in control here - definitely not him. As we take a stand the people around us will be strengthened and encouraged by our example. They will be proud to stand at our side and help us fight the battle. We can then celebrate the victory God has given. Victory may not happen over night, but hang in there, God will come through.
If you feel as if you are ready to "throw in the towel," don't do it! God is right there to be your support and strength.
If you are ready to give up on your marriage, don't do it! God will get you through. Ask Him to give you a new love for your spouse and refresh your marriage.
If you want to end ministry because it is too hurtful, don't do it! God will carry you. If your children are causing you discouragement, don't give up! God will give your family stability and get your children through the difficult circumstances.
Remember, you are special. God has called you and He will not let you down. He will not give up on you - so do not give up on Him.
As I stated before, Saul did not pay attention to the negative talk of those who did not want to follow his leadership. He went about his business. While going on about his own business he heard about an enemy threatening his people.
The Message tells us in I Samuel 11:6 that, "The Spirit of God came on Saul when he heard the report and he flew into a rage." He was angry that someone was trying to scare his people and destroy them. He had the confidence of God. He butchered the oxen and sent messengers throughout Israel warning the people that if they did not join with him their oxen would end up like his.
The Bible says the "terror of God" seized the people and they joined him. Saul took command and sent word that, "Help is on the way." God was with Saul and his men and they were victorious. After seeing the victory God had given them through Saul's leadership the people told Samuel to hand the men, who were against Saul, over them and they would kill them. Saul did not want this to happen. He wanted to celebrate the day and consecrate the kingship.
When God calls us He will give us the power, the courage, and the confidence to go into battle and conquer whatever is attacking us. As women in ministry we need to keep this in the forefront of our mind and spirit. The devil, our enemy, will try his best to keep us from what God has called us to; whether using circumstances in our family's life, our own life, or the life of our church.
I believe we need to stand as confident as Saul and get angry at the devil. Let him know who is in control here - definitely not him. As we take a stand the people around us will be strengthened and encouraged by our example. They will be proud to stand at our side and help us fight the battle. We can then celebrate the victory God has given. Victory may not happen over night, but hang in there, God will come through.
If you feel as if you are ready to "throw in the towel," don't do it! God is right there to be your support and strength.
If you are ready to give up on your marriage, don't do it! God will get you through. Ask Him to give you a new love for your spouse and refresh your marriage.
If you want to end ministry because it is too hurtful, don't do it! God will carry you. If your children are causing you discouragement, don't give up! God will give your family stability and get your children through the difficult circumstances.
Remember, you are special. God has called you and He will not let you down. He will not give up on you - so do not give up on Him.
Monday, May 12, 2008
God Chooses the Best!
I have recently been studying I Samuel. The story of God choosing Saul as king caught my attention. We often hear sermons on David, his great leadership and being a "man after God's own heart," and are reminded of the bad leadership of Saul.
As I was reading I Samuel 9 - 15 Saul stood out to me and I felt the lessons I am learning would be an encouragement to those just starting in ministry as well as those who have been at ministry a while.
The passages I will be quoting are from The Message Bible.
In chapters 9 and 10 Samuel obeys God and anoints Saul as king. In chapter 10:24 Samuel addresses the people and says, "Take a good look at whom God has chosen: the best! No one like him in the whole country!" At this time there were people who accepted Saul as king and followed him, but there were those who just could not grasp the idea that the Saul they knew was to lead them. They went off complaining, saying "don't make me laugh," refusing to congratulate him.
Many times when God calls us there will be those who just can't believe it! They know us too well and just can't comprehend that God would want to use us. They go off talking behind our backs with the idea they are not going to listen to anything we have to say. Remember though, God chooses the best. People around us do not see the potential God sees in us. All we need to do is remember it is God who does the calling, not our friends and family.
Look at what Saul did: "He paid them no mind." (10:27) When you know in your heart God has called you, that is all that matters. He is the one who has anointed you, not the complainers, and those who want to try to tear the calling from you.
There may be those who do not understand why the pastor's wife feels she is called to minister alongside her husband, in the forefront, and not in the background. There will be those who think the pastor's wife should have a particular ministry, just not the one you know God has called you to. Especially in a traditional church setting there will be those who just don't understand.
I want to admonish you to keep your head up and pay them no mind. God has called you! GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE! So, hang in there woman of God. You are special and designed for great things.
There is more I am learning from Saul, so stay tuned. I hope you will be encouraged also. By the way check out my website: http://www.mentoringwomeninministry.com/ and sign up for the monthly e-newseletter. You can view back issues by clicking on e-newsletters on the left of the screen.
As I was reading I Samuel 9 - 15 Saul stood out to me and I felt the lessons I am learning would be an encouragement to those just starting in ministry as well as those who have been at ministry a while.
The passages I will be quoting are from The Message Bible.
In chapters 9 and 10 Samuel obeys God and anoints Saul as king. In chapter 10:24 Samuel addresses the people and says, "Take a good look at whom God has chosen: the best! No one like him in the whole country!" At this time there were people who accepted Saul as king and followed him, but there were those who just could not grasp the idea that the Saul they knew was to lead them. They went off complaining, saying "don't make me laugh," refusing to congratulate him.
Many times when God calls us there will be those who just can't believe it! They know us too well and just can't comprehend that God would want to use us. They go off talking behind our backs with the idea they are not going to listen to anything we have to say. Remember though, God chooses the best. People around us do not see the potential God sees in us. All we need to do is remember it is God who does the calling, not our friends and family.
Look at what Saul did: "He paid them no mind." (10:27) When you know in your heart God has called you, that is all that matters. He is the one who has anointed you, not the complainers, and those who want to try to tear the calling from you.
There may be those who do not understand why the pastor's wife feels she is called to minister alongside her husband, in the forefront, and not in the background. There will be those who think the pastor's wife should have a particular ministry, just not the one you know God has called you to. Especially in a traditional church setting there will be those who just don't understand.
I want to admonish you to keep your head up and pay them no mind. God has called you! GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE! So, hang in there woman of God. You are special and designed for great things.
There is more I am learning from Saul, so stay tuned. I hope you will be encouraged also. By the way check out my website: http://www.mentoringwomeninministry.com/ and sign up for the monthly e-newseletter. You can view back issues by clicking on e-newsletters on the left of the screen.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Happy Mother's Day!
Mother's Day is special to all. During this time we think about our mom and what she has meant to us through the years. I know I am thankful that mom (as well as my dad) encouraged me to pursue the ministry God put in my heart.
There will always be "ups and downs" in ministry life, that is normal. There will always be disappointment and hurt, that's a given. There will be the stress of trying to do what God desires of you as well as trying to meet the needs of the people within your care.
The one constant that is to be our stablizing force and strength is God. His grace and mercy will always be right at our fingertips, whether we feel them or not.
When you are called into ministry and God has placed that desire to serve in your heart, you will not be happy doing anything else. I have tried to do other things when it seemed ministry was too tough, and there was an empty hole inside.
I thank God for a mom that sensed in her heart God's calling upon my life and encouraged me. She still encourages me when I get discouraged and upset.
My prayer is that I will be that kind of a mom to my children. I trust we will all keep in the forefront of our mind that our children are not to be sacrificed for the "call." They are more important than anyone in our congregation. If we don't take care of our own children then we have our priorities all wrong.
A wise woman in ministry one time said that she and her pastor husband thought it was important for them to attend their children's events, even if it conflicted with a Wednesday night or another night of the week. That was so freeing! I remember going to my son's baseball games and cross country events and not feeling guilty. As youth pastor I even became creative and planned for our youth to attend some of the sports events with me. We would have a study, relating to the sport we were going to attend, and then take vans to the event. It went over very well and the teens grasped the teaching so much better because the scripture was related to a sport.
Ask God to help you be creative in ways to encourage your children and guide them, in being sensitive to what God's plan is for their life. That should be our main goal in life, next to pleasing our husband of course.
If any of you wonderful moms read this before Mother's Day have a wonderful day and be blessed by the Lord and your family!
There will always be "ups and downs" in ministry life, that is normal. There will always be disappointment and hurt, that's a given. There will be the stress of trying to do what God desires of you as well as trying to meet the needs of the people within your care.
The one constant that is to be our stablizing force and strength is God. His grace and mercy will always be right at our fingertips, whether we feel them or not.
When you are called into ministry and God has placed that desire to serve in your heart, you will not be happy doing anything else. I have tried to do other things when it seemed ministry was too tough, and there was an empty hole inside.
I thank God for a mom that sensed in her heart God's calling upon my life and encouraged me. She still encourages me when I get discouraged and upset.
My prayer is that I will be that kind of a mom to my children. I trust we will all keep in the forefront of our mind that our children are not to be sacrificed for the "call." They are more important than anyone in our congregation. If we don't take care of our own children then we have our priorities all wrong.
A wise woman in ministry one time said that she and her pastor husband thought it was important for them to attend their children's events, even if it conflicted with a Wednesday night or another night of the week. That was so freeing! I remember going to my son's baseball games and cross country events and not feeling guilty. As youth pastor I even became creative and planned for our youth to attend some of the sports events with me. We would have a study, relating to the sport we were going to attend, and then take vans to the event. It went over very well and the teens grasped the teaching so much better because the scripture was related to a sport.
Ask God to help you be creative in ways to encourage your children and guide them, in being sensitive to what God's plan is for their life. That should be our main goal in life, next to pleasing our husband of course.
If any of you wonderful moms read this before Mother's Day have a wonderful day and be blessed by the Lord and your family!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Getting Through the Disappointments and Hurts of Ministry
I believe we need to be careful and not let hurts and disappointments harbor in our hearts. It is a normal part of life to be hurt and disappointed, but God does not want us to let them stay. We need to forgive those who hurt and disappoint us and move forward. We need to deal with the hurt and disappointment. It is important to admit we have been hurt or disappointed.
I have mentioned hurt and disappoint a lot in the first paragraph. It is because I believe, as women in ministry, we do not allow ourselves to admit when we have been hurt or disappointed. We could be disappointed in the way our marriage has turned out, our ministry has developed (or not developed), or life in general. We need to admit and commit it to the Lord.
This is where the friendships with other women in ministry will be helpful. A good friend will see the hurt and disappointment and help you through it. This woman will be a friend in whom you can be accountable. Share hurts and fears with her. Ask her to pray and make you responsible for your thoughts and feelings. Do not be fake. Be real and open. That is the only way to overcome the anger and hurt.
Dr. Thurman, in The Lies We Believe quotes James Allen from his book As a Man Thinketh; "Every thought seed sown or allowed to fall into the mind and to take root there produces its own kind. good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bad." (pg24)
Dr. Thurman points out that lies are beliefs, expectations, and attitudes that are not reality. We get these expectations and attitudes from a variety of places: i.e. media like TV, radio, magazines, movies, etc. Our culture tells us we are to look, act, and talk a certain way. Even in ministry there are certain ways we are suppose to act and dress or people will look at us strangely. I am not talking about what the Bible says regarding how to dress and act. I am talking about the culture of ministry.
When we attend church functions or denominational meetings some of things we are thinking about before we go are ..... What do I wear? What will so and so be wearing?
We are to look presentable. It is ok to want to look good, but do not get carried away. We do not want to make others feel less than perfect if they don’t have what we have, or we should not feel bad if we can’t afford what someone else has.
Before I sign off I want to encourage you to think about the good that has happened in your ministry. What are some of the blessings God has given you? Think on these things. Allow the Holy Spirit to jog your memory. If you are going through a difficult time it will be a little harder to think of the good, but it is important that you do. It will help get you back on the right track.
God is so good. He wants you to succeed and prosper in ministry. He wants you to find a good woman to talk to and confide in. He knows how important it is to your spiritual and emotional health. If you already have this person write me and tell me about your relationship, so others will be encouraged. If you do not have this person yet, but are going to find someone please let me know when you do and let it be an encouragement to other women who may be hesitant on finding someone.
I have mentioned hurt and disappoint a lot in the first paragraph. It is because I believe, as women in ministry, we do not allow ourselves to admit when we have been hurt or disappointed. We could be disappointed in the way our marriage has turned out, our ministry has developed (or not developed), or life in general. We need to admit and commit it to the Lord.
This is where the friendships with other women in ministry will be helpful. A good friend will see the hurt and disappointment and help you through it. This woman will be a friend in whom you can be accountable. Share hurts and fears with her. Ask her to pray and make you responsible for your thoughts and feelings. Do not be fake. Be real and open. That is the only way to overcome the anger and hurt.
Dr. Thurman, in The Lies We Believe quotes James Allen from his book As a Man Thinketh; "Every thought seed sown or allowed to fall into the mind and to take root there produces its own kind. good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bad." (pg24)
Dr. Thurman points out that lies are beliefs, expectations, and attitudes that are not reality. We get these expectations and attitudes from a variety of places: i.e. media like TV, radio, magazines, movies, etc. Our culture tells us we are to look, act, and talk a certain way. Even in ministry there are certain ways we are suppose to act and dress or people will look at us strangely. I am not talking about what the Bible says regarding how to dress and act. I am talking about the culture of ministry.
When we attend church functions or denominational meetings some of things we are thinking about before we go are ..... What do I wear? What will so and so be wearing?
We are to look presentable. It is ok to want to look good, but do not get carried away. We do not want to make others feel less than perfect if they don’t have what we have, or we should not feel bad if we can’t afford what someone else has.
Before I sign off I want to encourage you to think about the good that has happened in your ministry. What are some of the blessings God has given you? Think on these things. Allow the Holy Spirit to jog your memory. If you are going through a difficult time it will be a little harder to think of the good, but it is important that you do. It will help get you back on the right track.
God is so good. He wants you to succeed and prosper in ministry. He wants you to find a good woman to talk to and confide in. He knows how important it is to your spiritual and emotional health. If you already have this person write me and tell me about your relationship, so others will be encouraged. If you do not have this person yet, but are going to find someone please let me know when you do and let it be an encouragement to other women who may be hesitant on finding someone.
Monday, April 21, 2008
The Power of Godly Friendships continued
In my opinion it is very important to make a very determined effort to not let the meeting become superficial in which you are not open and cannot share. Let the goal be to help make each of you stronger, closer, and more trusting of each other. If it is just one or two people that is ok. The main thing is to make sure you get together.
Getting together is not meant to be a time of bashing churches or spouses or blaming other people for hurts and disappointments. If one of you is hurt it is to be a time of healing. If one of you feels like you are spiritually dying let it be a time of restoration. If you are just starting out in ministry or feel you are just fine, then it is to be a preventative maintenance regimen.
We have come from a culture that has told us to keep everything to ourselves. In my opinion I think that has been a mistake. Think of a marriage relationship for a moment - it cannot be healthy when the two people involved keep things inside. It is the same with people in ministry. If we are going through situations that seem too hard to go through DO NOT hold it all inside. It could very well lead to a crisis situation. Find someone to confide in and be a support for each other.
If anyone is more comfortable confiding in someone like myself please do not hesitate to email me at hstrymknwmn@hotmail.com.
Getting together is not meant to be a time of bashing churches or spouses or blaming other people for hurts and disappointments. If one of you is hurt it is to be a time of healing. If one of you feels like you are spiritually dying let it be a time of restoration. If you are just starting out in ministry or feel you are just fine, then it is to be a preventative maintenance regimen.
We have come from a culture that has told us to keep everything to ourselves. In my opinion I think that has been a mistake. Think of a marriage relationship for a moment - it cannot be healthy when the two people involved keep things inside. It is the same with people in ministry. If we are going through situations that seem too hard to go through DO NOT hold it all inside. It could very well lead to a crisis situation. Find someone to confide in and be a support for each other.
If anyone is more comfortable confiding in someone like myself please do not hesitate to email me at hstrymknwmn@hotmail.com.
Monday, April 14, 2008
The Power of Godly Friendships
We all need friends - especially women who are in ministry. When we give of ourselves continually we can become drained and just need someone to talk with that understands our lives. Other women can be friends, but they will not understand the life of a woman in ministry. That is why it is so important for women in ministry to open up to each other - and I have found that to be one of the most difficult things for a woman in ministry to do.
Why? There could be several reasons. Over the years women in ministry have learned to be "closed" so they would not be hurt, or hurt their husband's ministry. Little by little that is changing and women are coming to realize the need to be open. There have been too many pastor's families in crisis situations to ignore the need for relationships and better mentoring.
It is my opinion we need to develop friendships with other women in ministry. Take time to get to know each other. Break down denominational walls and get to know other women in ministry. We may not have the personality to go out and get to know someone we don't know, but it is very important we do. Be persistant. Schedule a meeting where you go to a coffee shop for the first time. Then meet monthly at the same place. Get other women together and go to the beach, or for a walk somewhere. The point is to just hang out and enjoy each other's company. A relationship will develop from there and when someone has a need for support or encouragement a relationship will have already been established to help.
I would love to hear how some of you are doing this already. Let me know your thoughts.
Why? There could be several reasons. Over the years women in ministry have learned to be "closed" so they would not be hurt, or hurt their husband's ministry. Little by little that is changing and women are coming to realize the need to be open. There have been too many pastor's families in crisis situations to ignore the need for relationships and better mentoring.
It is my opinion we need to develop friendships with other women in ministry. Take time to get to know each other. Break down denominational walls and get to know other women in ministry. We may not have the personality to go out and get to know someone we don't know, but it is very important we do. Be persistant. Schedule a meeting where you go to a coffee shop for the first time. Then meet monthly at the same place. Get other women together and go to the beach, or for a walk somewhere. The point is to just hang out and enjoy each other's company. A relationship will develop from there and when someone has a need for support or encouragement a relationship will have already been established to help.
I would love to hear how some of you are doing this already. Let me know your thoughts.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
In one of my previous posts I talked about intential mentoring. My prayer is that some of these posts will be a part of a mentoring process in your life. This should not take the place of a physical woman in your life, but I trust I will be an encouragement.
Dr. Chris Thurman in his book, “The Lies We Believe,” says, “Most of our unhappiness and emotional struggles are caused by the lies we tell ourselves.” He goes on to say that until we recognize these lies and replace them with truth emotional health is impossible. (pg 22)
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I let hurts from our first pastorate, issues in two of our churches, and the disappointment of our handicapped son fester in my heart throughout years of ministry.
I grew up in Tulsa, OK, around positive preachers all my life, but I allowed all that positive influence to be crowded out by all the negative surrounding me. That was where I went wrong.
That is what I want each woman reading this to understand - DO NOT ALLOW THE ENEMY TO CROWD OUT THE POSITIVE THAT ONLY GOD CAN BRING INTO YOUR SPIRIT.
All around us we are told by the media, women, law, and some churches that we don’t have to put up with this; we can get out of the situation if we choose. I had let all these hurts and disappointments culminate to the point of despair in my life. I didn’t hear the voice of truth, because by the time I reached the point of despair, I had made up my mind and didn’t want to hear the truth. I was not looking to the Source; I was looking at things in my life God had not answered.
The reality was I was looking at lies and listening to Satan’s words, not God’s. I had to admit and confess all my wrong thinking. I had to ask God to forgive me and get me back on track. I would not wish that point of desperation on anyone.
You might be wondering how I could let myself get to that point. In all honesty I needed to be truthful with myself. I needed someone else to help me see that the road I was taking was only leading to destruction. I needed another woman in ministry, but I did not have that kind of a friendship.
As women in ministry this is of utmost importance - WE NEED FRIENDS! We need to have friends with other women in ministry. Why? Because they understand our circumstances. I will go into more detail in the next post.
Dr. Chris Thurman in his book, “The Lies We Believe,” says, “Most of our unhappiness and emotional struggles are caused by the lies we tell ourselves.” He goes on to say that until we recognize these lies and replace them with truth emotional health is impossible. (pg 22)
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I let hurts from our first pastorate, issues in two of our churches, and the disappointment of our handicapped son fester in my heart throughout years of ministry.
I grew up in Tulsa, OK, around positive preachers all my life, but I allowed all that positive influence to be crowded out by all the negative surrounding me. That was where I went wrong.
That is what I want each woman reading this to understand - DO NOT ALLOW THE ENEMY TO CROWD OUT THE POSITIVE THAT ONLY GOD CAN BRING INTO YOUR SPIRIT.
All around us we are told by the media, women, law, and some churches that we don’t have to put up with this; we can get out of the situation if we choose. I had let all these hurts and disappointments culminate to the point of despair in my life. I didn’t hear the voice of truth, because by the time I reached the point of despair, I had made up my mind and didn’t want to hear the truth. I was not looking to the Source; I was looking at things in my life God had not answered.
The reality was I was looking at lies and listening to Satan’s words, not God’s. I had to admit and confess all my wrong thinking. I had to ask God to forgive me and get me back on track. I would not wish that point of desperation on anyone.
You might be wondering how I could let myself get to that point. In all honesty I needed to be truthful with myself. I needed someone else to help me see that the road I was taking was only leading to destruction. I needed another woman in ministry, but I did not have that kind of a friendship.
As women in ministry this is of utmost importance - WE NEED FRIENDS! We need to have friends with other women in ministry. Why? Because they understand our circumstances. I will go into more detail in the next post.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Is Being "Called" Worth It? Is it a Privilege?
This is the beginning of a series on finding out whether we believe ministry is worth it or a privilege? I trust you will be encouraged by what is written and let me know what you think.
There are many ups and downs to this life of ministry. It is totally up to us how we deal with and handle them. We can let our spiritual life suffer, by letting hurt turn into anger. Anger, if not dealt with will eventually turn into bitterness. Or, we can allow the Holy Spirit to mature us to new, higher levels in Him. “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Eph. 4:26, 27 NIV
Responding Successfully to the Ministry Challenge
What do we do when we are hurt? Do we lash out? Do we hold it inside? How we react to the hurts and disappointments in ministry and our life will affect us positively or negatively. We have two choices: one choice is to let God mature our spirit, the other choice is to let our enemy, the devil, destroy our spirit and eventually our life.
Next time I will quote from the book, "Lies We Believe," by Dr. Chris Thurman. Check back soon and let me know how you are feeling about the ministry you are in at this time.
There are many ups and downs to this life of ministry. It is totally up to us how we deal with and handle them. We can let our spiritual life suffer, by letting hurt turn into anger. Anger, if not dealt with will eventually turn into bitterness. Or, we can allow the Holy Spirit to mature us to new, higher levels in Him. “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Eph. 4:26, 27 NIV
Responding Successfully to the Ministry Challenge
What do we do when we are hurt? Do we lash out? Do we hold it inside? How we react to the hurts and disappointments in ministry and our life will affect us positively or negatively. We have two choices: one choice is to let God mature our spirit, the other choice is to let our enemy, the devil, destroy our spirit and eventually our life.
Next time I will quote from the book, "Lies We Believe," by Dr. Chris Thurman. Check back soon and let me know how you are feeling about the ministry you are in at this time.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Intentional Mentoring
Since I entered ministry 25 years ago I have felt a lack in the mentoring/coaching aspect to pastor's wives. It is my opinion that as women, who are the wives of pastor's, we have too long kept silent when it comes to coaching the pastor's wives in our care, or new pastor's wives in our area.
I want to pose a question to all of you that are out there reading, "Is this right?"
I have heard many pastor's wives say that you learn from experience. This is true, but can we not have a heart for the young pastor's wives and mentor/coach them along the way - helping them learn valuable lessons before they lose heart and give up?
I truly believe we have a responsibility as leaders to help those following this path of ministry. Will we stand before God and be asked how we helped other women?
Let's be challenged by Elijah and become the Elijah's to the Elisha's in our lives - other women in ministry. Senior Pastor's wives, allow the Holy Spirit to move upon your heart to pass the mantle to women within your care. Do not be closed and afraid of being hurt. Do we not take risks in any relationship we begin developing. No matter what relationship we are in it is inevitable we will be hurt at some point. The important thing is how we handle and deal with the hurt.
I will take it one step further and challenge the Youth Pastor or Associate's wife to be open to learn and glean from what the Senior Pastor's wife has to offer. It is to your detriment that you think you know everything and cannot receive. You will miss out on many blessings God has to give. This is not to say that every Youth Pastor or Associate's wife has an attitude of knowing everything, but I have seen, too often, in my years of ministry, that attitude.
Take advantage of the opportunity to grow and mature under her leadership, if she is willing to open up to you. Learn and seek her council. Allow her the opportunity to share what she has learned from the battlefield.
What about gathering together monthly with the women in leadership in your church. Do fun activities which you all enjoy. You can have an agenda and lesson, but the main thing is to develop relationships so you can be a support to each other. Have another woman in ministry come and speak to your women. The sky is the limit. Use your imagination and see God move in your lives.
If you have suggestions and are doing something that is working write and let me know and we will post it as a resource to others.
We are in this adventure of ministry together, so let's do everything we can to encourage and support one another along the way.
I want to pose a question to all of you that are out there reading, "Is this right?"
I have heard many pastor's wives say that you learn from experience. This is true, but can we not have a heart for the young pastor's wives and mentor/coach them along the way - helping them learn valuable lessons before they lose heart and give up?
I truly believe we have a responsibility as leaders to help those following this path of ministry. Will we stand before God and be asked how we helped other women?
Let's be challenged by Elijah and become the Elijah's to the Elisha's in our lives - other women in ministry. Senior Pastor's wives, allow the Holy Spirit to move upon your heart to pass the mantle to women within your care. Do not be closed and afraid of being hurt. Do we not take risks in any relationship we begin developing. No matter what relationship we are in it is inevitable we will be hurt at some point. The important thing is how we handle and deal with the hurt.
I will take it one step further and challenge the Youth Pastor or Associate's wife to be open to learn and glean from what the Senior Pastor's wife has to offer. It is to your detriment that you think you know everything and cannot receive. You will miss out on many blessings God has to give. This is not to say that every Youth Pastor or Associate's wife has an attitude of knowing everything, but I have seen, too often, in my years of ministry, that attitude.
Take advantage of the opportunity to grow and mature under her leadership, if she is willing to open up to you. Learn and seek her council. Allow her the opportunity to share what she has learned from the battlefield.
What about gathering together monthly with the women in leadership in your church. Do fun activities which you all enjoy. You can have an agenda and lesson, but the main thing is to develop relationships so you can be a support to each other. Have another woman in ministry come and speak to your women. The sky is the limit. Use your imagination and see God move in your lives.
If you have suggestions and are doing something that is working write and let me know and we will post it as a resource to others.
We are in this adventure of ministry together, so let's do everything we can to encourage and support one another along the way.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
The Ezer Kenegdo Woman
If you have not read the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge you need to take the time and read it. One chapter of the book talks about Gen. 1:18; the "helpmeet passage." It is brought out that a better translation is lifesaver alongside. There is sooooo much more, you'll have to read about it.
Being the lifesaver alongside my man motivates me to come alongside my husband and encourage and help him in ministry. We are to complete, not compete. If you feel as if you are to minister as pastor alongside your husband, come into agreement and do the best you can, bringing glory to God. You are not ministering for your own selfworth and glory. You are ministering in that capacity because God desires you to be there.
Another thing we can do as women in ministry is come alongside other in ministry in ministry, as encouragers and supporters. We need each other. My prayer is that we get out of the mindset of keeping things to ourselves - that is dangerous - open up to each other and share your hurts, disappointments and by all means your accomplishments. This is how we help each other. By doing this we will hopefully encourage someone that was ready to give up on ministry, marriage, or life.
Come alongside each other and develop into the women God created each of us to be.
Being the lifesaver alongside my man motivates me to come alongside my husband and encourage and help him in ministry. We are to complete, not compete. If you feel as if you are to minister as pastor alongside your husband, come into agreement and do the best you can, bringing glory to God. You are not ministering for your own selfworth and glory. You are ministering in that capacity because God desires you to be there.
Another thing we can do as women in ministry is come alongside other in ministry in ministry, as encouragers and supporters. We need each other. My prayer is that we get out of the mindset of keeping things to ourselves - that is dangerous - open up to each other and share your hurts, disappointments and by all means your accomplishments. This is how we help each other. By doing this we will hopefully encourage someone that was ready to give up on ministry, marriage, or life.
Come alongside each other and develop into the women God created each of us to be.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Pastor's Wives Making the "Abishai Choice!"
We read in I Samuel 26:5-8 about David asking who will go with him into the enemy's camp, which was Saul's camp. Abishai stepped up to the plate and said "I will go." He did not have to make that choice, but he did. He was willing to do whatever it took to back his leader up. I would like to challenge the pastor's wife and associate pastor's wife to make an "Abishai choice." Do whatever it takes to be the support you need to be for your fellow pastor's wife. She may be different, have different opinions, may not even want to be involved in ministry as you, but we need to be there for each other.
There are too many pastor's wives suffering from loneliness and isolation. Let's encourage and support each other, because who else is going to give us the support we need. Hopefully as co-laborers together we can understand how the other is feeling, whether it is nervouseness, due to just starting the adventure as a pastor's wife, or a change is about to take place and you aren't ready for it.
Call someone in your area up, get to know them, make the "Abishai choice," become the Abishai she needs.
There are too many pastor's wives suffering from loneliness and isolation. Let's encourage and support each other, because who else is going to give us the support we need. Hopefully as co-laborers together we can understand how the other is feeling, whether it is nervouseness, due to just starting the adventure as a pastor's wife, or a change is about to take place and you aren't ready for it.
Call someone in your area up, get to know them, make the "Abishai choice," become the Abishai she needs.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Have We Let Church Rob Us of Our Passion for Christ?
Here's a thought for each of us in ministry to consider.
"Why did we get into ministry?"
Most likely we felt a "tug" in our spirit; otherwise known as a "calling." At that point in our life we probably had a passion for seeing people get to know Christ and living life to their fullest potential.
But, what happened as we began working in our churches?
Life happened!!!
All the enthusiasm we once had is being sucked out of our lives the more we have to listen to church people criticise our husbands, our kids, and even our self. We can only take so much. I know I have been there. We are excited about ministry. We want to do what we can for the kingdom. We work, work, work. Only to hear, "We can't do ministry that we. We have never done it that way before." I am sure you all have heard that one and many more.
Well, I was challenged tonight about passion. John 15:4,5 talks about bearing fruit, fruit that will last. What fruit are we as pastor's wives bearing? Have we forgotten the call? Are we letting our enemy the devil win a battle. I am not about to let satan win the battle of my calling in my life. I hope you are not willing either. If we give up and let church rob us of our calling and passion then satan has won.
I refuse to let him! I just about did, because I was tired of dealing with people, but God is still beside me encouraging me to go further in Him and bear more fruit.
One way I am going to do that is by encouraging other pastor's wives to hang in there and defeat our enemy. I am here for you. Don't give up! One thing I heard tonight that was so good is this, "There is always more ground to take if you choose to take it." I choose to stay in this race and help others come to know Christ more; that includes pastor's wives and women in ministry who are burnt out and tired.
Restore that passion!
Pray this prayer with me: "Dear God, I am tired and worn out, and don't feel as if I have any more to give. I really don't have any desire to give any more. There has been too many hurts and struggles. I know You love me and are still there for me, I just lost my way a bit. Please forgive me and help me get back on track again. Please, dear Jesus, restore the joy of Your salvation to me. Help me revive my passion for You and sharing You with others. Keep me on track and always guide me back on course when I lose sight of where I should be going. Please send other women my way to help me stay on course and encourage me when I need it the most. Thank you God for caring for me. I love You and will serve You always. In Jesus precious name Amen.
Please write me and let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
"Why did we get into ministry?"
Most likely we felt a "tug" in our spirit; otherwise known as a "calling." At that point in our life we probably had a passion for seeing people get to know Christ and living life to their fullest potential.
But, what happened as we began working in our churches?
Life happened!!!
All the enthusiasm we once had is being sucked out of our lives the more we have to listen to church people criticise our husbands, our kids, and even our self. We can only take so much. I know I have been there. We are excited about ministry. We want to do what we can for the kingdom. We work, work, work. Only to hear, "We can't do ministry that we. We have never done it that way before." I am sure you all have heard that one and many more.
Well, I was challenged tonight about passion. John 15:4,5 talks about bearing fruit, fruit that will last. What fruit are we as pastor's wives bearing? Have we forgotten the call? Are we letting our enemy the devil win a battle. I am not about to let satan win the battle of my calling in my life. I hope you are not willing either. If we give up and let church rob us of our calling and passion then satan has won.
I refuse to let him! I just about did, because I was tired of dealing with people, but God is still beside me encouraging me to go further in Him and bear more fruit.
One way I am going to do that is by encouraging other pastor's wives to hang in there and defeat our enemy. I am here for you. Don't give up! One thing I heard tonight that was so good is this, "There is always more ground to take if you choose to take it." I choose to stay in this race and help others come to know Christ more; that includes pastor's wives and women in ministry who are burnt out and tired.
Restore that passion!
Pray this prayer with me: "Dear God, I am tired and worn out, and don't feel as if I have any more to give. I really don't have any desire to give any more. There has been too many hurts and struggles. I know You love me and are still there for me, I just lost my way a bit. Please forgive me and help me get back on track again. Please, dear Jesus, restore the joy of Your salvation to me. Help me revive my passion for You and sharing You with others. Keep me on track and always guide me back on course when I lose sight of where I should be going. Please send other women my way to help me stay on course and encourage me when I need it the most. Thank you God for caring for me. I love You and will serve You always. In Jesus precious name Amen.
Please write me and let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Finding My PTO
Do you have PTO? Personal Time Out is a time set aside specifically for myself, to rejunvenate my spirit. I start each day with my morning 30 minute walk. I enjoy this time because I am able to pray and worship the Lord as I go. Whenever someone passes me I make sure I am not talking or singing so they do not think I am crazy talking to myself. Up until about 3 years ago I found it hard to find this quiet time for myself. It has helped to live near a beach and enjoy the relaxing setting. I have four children , 21, 19, 17, 16, so I need this time to pray for each one and then pray my husband and myself. I treasure this time and look forward to it, even when I don't neccessarily want to get out of bed at 6:45 am.
What are some of the ways you find your PTO? I look forward to hearing what you do.
What are some of the ways you find your PTO? I look forward to hearing what you do.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Recommendations and Endorsements for Cheryl
March 7, 2007
To Whom It May Concern:
It is with great pleasure that I recommend Cheryl Turnbull to minister at your upcoming event. I have enjoyed getting to know her and her husband over the past twenty years.
Cheryl is an intelligent and motivated individual. She is definitely a leader rather than a follower. She has proven her leadership ability by organizing Women’s Ministries, helped lead and organize Women’s Encounters, in addition to being Office Manager at Glad Tidings Church.
She has been Women’s Ministries Representative as well as Missionettes Representative for the Potomac District of the Assemblies of God. She has had many opportunities to speak at women’s and girl’s functions. Her good judgment and sensitivity to the Lord as well as women’s needs and women in ministry are evident in the messages she brings.
Cheryl would be a valuable addition to any event you are planning, and I am happy to give her my wholehearted endorsement.
Sincerely,
Jerry Qualls
Senior Pastor - Glad Tidings Church
Executive Presbyter - Potomac District Council
Cheryl Turnbull is a woman who does an excellent job ministering a biblically based & sound truth right to where the ladies live. Her humor, ministry experience, tender testimony, broken spirit, passion for God and love for women of all ages create a warm atmosphere for God to move in hearts.
I would recommend her ministry as a great benefit to your women and girls.
Linda M. Webb
Women's Ministries Director
POTOMAC DISTRICT COUNCIL
PO Box 690
(14525 John Marshall Highway)
Gainesville, VA 20156
(703) 753-0300
NEW EMAIL ADDRESS: lwebb@potomacag.org
This is a letter to recommend Cheryl Turnbull for ministry. I have known Cheryl for approximately 15 years. She was Women’s Ministries Representative while I was Potomac Women’s Ministries Director. We have worked together in areas of ministry, especially Women's Ministries. She has many gifts and talents and is well trained in ministry. Her good attitude and spirit are very evident as she works with women and girls. If I can provide any further information please feel free to contact me. Donna R. Tatem757-430-8657
To Whom It May Concern:
It is with great pleasure that I recommend Cheryl Turnbull to minister at your upcoming event. I have enjoyed getting to know her and her husband over the past twenty years.
Cheryl is an intelligent and motivated individual. She is definitely a leader rather than a follower. She has proven her leadership ability by organizing Women’s Ministries, helped lead and organize Women’s Encounters, in addition to being Office Manager at Glad Tidings Church.
She has been Women’s Ministries Representative as well as Missionettes Representative for the Potomac District of the Assemblies of God. She has had many opportunities to speak at women’s and girl’s functions. Her good judgment and sensitivity to the Lord as well as women’s needs and women in ministry are evident in the messages she brings.
Cheryl would be a valuable addition to any event you are planning, and I am happy to give her my wholehearted endorsement.
Sincerely,
Jerry Qualls
Senior Pastor - Glad Tidings Church
Executive Presbyter - Potomac District Council
Cheryl Turnbull is a woman who does an excellent job ministering a biblically based & sound truth right to where the ladies live. Her humor, ministry experience, tender testimony, broken spirit, passion for God and love for women of all ages create a warm atmosphere for God to move in hearts.
I would recommend her ministry as a great benefit to your women and girls.
Linda M. Webb
Women's Ministries Director
POTOMAC DISTRICT COUNCIL
PO Box 690
(14525 John Marshall Highway)
Gainesville, VA 20156
(703) 753-0300
NEW EMAIL ADDRESS: lwebb@potomacag.org
This is a letter to recommend Cheryl Turnbull for ministry. I have known Cheryl for approximately 15 years. She was Women’s Ministries Representative while I was Potomac Women’s Ministries Director. We have worked together in areas of ministry, especially Women's Ministries. She has many gifts and talents and is well trained in ministry. Her good attitude and spirit are very evident as she works with women and girls. If I can provide any further information please feel free to contact me. Donna R. Tatem757-430-8657
We Need Each Other
Let me introduce myself. My name is Cheryl and I have been in ministry alongside my husband for 25 years. We have 4 wonderful children, one son in college, one son is handicapped, and two girls in highschool (Junior and Senior.)When I first entered ministry 25 years ago as a youth pastor's wife I needed a friend in ministry and did not have what I needed. There were women in ministry I knew, but it seemed the friendships were superficial. In fact one pastor's wife told me recently you have to be friendly in order to have friends and she was not willing to open up to other pastor's wives. That seems like a lonely road to travel. I travelled that lonely road for many years. It affected me to the point in which it almost cost me my family.
There has been a prick in my spirit all these years for a support/resource for women in ministry. God has kept that alive over the years and now is the time I feel He is opening the door and telling me to walk through.
If you are a woman in ministry and need someone to confide in, or whatever your need, email me. You can also check out my website at http://www.mentoringwomeninministry.com/ and sign up for our monthly newsletter and read our first issue.
I look forward to hearing from women, just as encouragement for others.
What do you think? Is this important or not? Do women who are in the trenches of ministry need this? Are we willing to unveil our concerns, hurts, disappointments, and joy to other women, in order to help mentor each other? Let me know.
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